Ted and John each just finished a long day’s work, Ted with the parks department and John as an economist at a regional bank. They meet at the local pub and grill. After exchanging fist-bumps, they take their seats at the bar. “Barkeep,” John said, two fingers in the air. The bartender knew what that meant. John and Ted are regulars. They launch into conversation, oblivious to the fact that lurking two stools down is Sterling Augustus Goodfellow III, Attorney at Law.
“Did you see the game last night?” Ted asked enthusiastically.
“That was unbelievable, to throw on fourth-and-goal from the one …” John replied, shaking his head as he brought his beverage up for a quick sip.
Goodfellow, always interested in the conversation of common-folk, couldn’t help himself. “Comes now Sterling A. Goodfellow the third, by and through himself,” he slipped off his seat and started over to them. “Are you two discussing the football contest held on or about September 8, 2017, between the New England Patriots, a National Football League club, hereinafter [air quotes] ‘N-E-P’ and the Kansas City Chiefs, a National Football League club, hereinafter [air quotes] ‘K-C-C’?”
They both turned their heads towards Goodfellow as he moved to the empty stool next to John. Was this guy serious?
“Yeah,” John responded, careful not to make eye contact. “The Patriots/Chiefs game last night.” His tone left no doubt that he was irritated by the invasion of this stranger with his mismatched shirt and tie ensemble.
After panning the area for a hidden camera, Ted simply ignored Goodfellow and turned back to his discussion with John, “One of those teams has a chance to play in the Super Bowl this year,”
“The Patriots, maybe … but the Chiefs, not a chance,” John responded.
Goodfellow wanted in. “I believe that N-E-P and K-C-C both have a decent opportunity to qualify for said game.”
John and Ted looked at each other, then to Goodfellow. “What did you just say?” Ted asked in a slow, measured tone.
Goodfellow could hardly believe the question. He slowed his speech for the common-folk, “I said that both N-E-P and K-C-C, collectively [air quotes] ‘The Teams,’ have an opportunity to qualify for said game mentioned hereinbefore.”
As he brought up his mug, John shook Ted off with a quick glance—he was not to further engage. Ted got his message, but didn’t care. He turned to face Goodfellow: “You mean that both the Patriots and Chiefs have a chance to make it to the Super Bowl this year … is that what you’re telling us? Because they can’t both make it, they’re in the same conference.”
“There is not another game mentioned hereinbefore, is there?” Goodfellow responded. “And by [air quotes] ‘The Teams,’ I did not mean to suggest or imply that both of them would qualify for said game at once, but clearly that The Teams both have an opportunity to qualify for said game, meaning one team or the other—in the disjunctive sense, not the conjunctive. In other words, N-E-P or K-C-C both have a chance to represent the American Football Conference, hereinafter [air quotes] ‘A-F-C,’ against the victor of the National Football Conference, hereinafter [air quotes] ‘N-F-C,’ in the game that is typically held on or about the last week of January or first week of February commonly known as the [air quotes] ‘Super Bowl…Of course, if they won the A-F-C, K-C-C or N-E-P would likely have to play against G-B-P.’”
Ted stared with a blank look on his face. But John had it figured out, “You some kinda lawyer?”